I’m not making this up, although I wish I were:
- Doctors are advising people not to drink bleach or inject disinfectants into their bodies in an attempt to cure the coronavirus. I mean, what idiot would suggest such a thing? And are Tide pods still OK, or is that so last year?
- The Los Angeles Lakers basketball team, worth $4.4 billion – that’s $4,400,000,000 – returned the $4.6 million they received from the Payroll Protection Program so that the money “could be directed to those more in need.” And you applied for it in the first place, why?
- Stories are popping up about how to cut your hair at home without ruining it. I believe I’ve already addressed this, and the short answer is: don’t.
- Vice President Mike Pence did not wear a mask during a visit to the Mayo Clinic despite being advised that it was hospital policy and everyone else – patients, doctors, nurses, staff and administrators – all were wearing them because he said when he thanked the health-care workers he wanted “to look them in the eye.” Well, you could have at least worn a Lone Ranger mask then.
- A leader of the ReOpen North Carolina group organizing protests against stay-at-home orders revealed in a Facebook post that she tested positive for COVID-19. Well, of course she did.
- Poultry producers say they are killing 2 million chickens humanely because processing plants are closing due to the pandemic. Well, humanely, OK, then. At least they’re not going to torture them to death. Although burning them at the stake … hmmm.
- A woman applying for unemployment benefits in Maryland was told she was number 88,000 in line. Could you hold, please?
- Beer sales have increased as people abide by stay-at-home orders, led by Busch Light, Miller Lite, Michelob Ultra and Natural Light. It’s the end of the world as we know it, people. Drink up. And drink some decent beer, for God’s sake. He’s probably already into the tequila shots Himself.
Curiouser & curiouser… Stay safe and keep ‘em coming.